I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
