So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
