i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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