Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
