Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
