there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
