the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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