I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
