i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
