I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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