So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
