I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
