yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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