True but thats because hes a fetus.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
