the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
