i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
