In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
