I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
