How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
