Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
