yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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