Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
