I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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