you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
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I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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