its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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