turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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