We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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