you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
