My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
