Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
