Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
