3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
