There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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