Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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