1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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