the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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