Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
