Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
