u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it glows. i had to have it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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