I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
