I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
