and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
