Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
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It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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