I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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