Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
