i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
