An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
