there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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