The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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