I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
