That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
