quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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