he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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