So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
