So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your cock deserves a montage
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
