i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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