Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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