I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
