The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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