apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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