I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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