You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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