i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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