dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
