Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
