Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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