Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
ok first of all what the fuck
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
