I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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