Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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