I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
